Sharon's Blog

Nina

2004-09-16T03:59:00.000-07:00

Nina has recently come to the decision not to continue with her expedition to Venezuela, due to the eczema from which she suffers, which is often debilitating, and may cause her real difficulties out in Venezuela.

So, Nina will be giving all of the money she collected to 2 orphans in Guatemala, who will now be able to get an education, food, clean water and clothes.

None of the money will be kept-all of it is going to charity.

I will continue blogging, as-well, what would you do without my pearls of wisdom? So, think yourselves lucky!!

And so, what have I been up to, during my "non-blogging" times? A lot, is the answer. Helping the wonderful Ted ( my hubby) with his day to day life.....I am the guru of everything, after all.

Until tomorrow

Sharon

(mwah)

2004-08-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Me with my pink thing

Being a pin up

2004-08-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

Above, is a photo of me with my infamous pink thing-a small toy, with which I feel a strange affinity, both of us being pink, beautiful, and girly.

But, as you can see, I look rather sexy in this photo, causing me to believe that although a Dowager Duchess and a Shih Tzu of Secrecy, I am also a pin up.

Look and enjoy.

Until tomorrow

Sharon

The Sexiest Dog on the Planet

PS Despite my beauty, I have resisted looking in the mirror all day and have actually helped Nina raise more money, leaving her current total at £1840, leaving just £1360 to raise. Any online donations would be appreciated. And please don't forget to enquire about any Speech and Drama tutoring.....

My lover's gone

2004-08-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

I have so much in common with so many pop stars...Britney...Beyonce...Victoria Beckham-ok, we can't exactly call her that, but since my picture in New Magazine a few weeks ago, I have realised more and more the way my interests and those of well known divas are similar.

Take Dido.

You know her song..."My lover's gone"?

Well, that's how it was for me today.

Mum went off up North to see friend Whirley (Shirley Caldwell), and met her Ted :my husband.

And, much as TECHNICALLY my lover hasn't gone-it feels like it.

He was cavorting with his mother in law, not caring that his wifey was missing him.

It's just not good enough.

I am the most gorgeous sexbomb the world has ever seen, helping Nina, my big sis' raise £1800 so far, out of the necessary £3200 in order for her to go to Venezuela and help in a local community project, whilst he....

I don't know what I'll do-but it will be good.

Ha.

Until tomorrow

Le Gorgeous Sexbomb...Sharon

mwah

It's a tough life

2004-08-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

You know that old song from "Annie"....

"It's a hard knock life for us..." ??

Well, that song really applies to me...yesterday after a hard day of tea drinking, punctuated by being stroked I was taken on a 2 mile walk.

Yes!

My beautiful, delicate little frame had to endure such difficulties, purely because my mum Annie, and big sis' Nina wanted to be in the cool night air.

Selfish!

Nina has actually been doing a lot of walking recently though, having been going door-to-door in her local area and raising a massive £1749.

Is she good or is she good?

Well, we know the answer to that.

BUT, we also know that I am better, so please-some online donations would be really appreciated.

And, for a treat for you today, here's another beauty tip...

When walking and coming across a man (ANY man) lie down and have your tummy rubbed.
This will increase your self-esteem, making you more attractive to men!!!

But, for now-adieu.....

Sharon

New total....

2004-08-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

Nina's total is now up to £1657.50

Which isn't bad at all.

For the sister of a Shih Tzu.

I am a pretty fab little doggy-sorry, four legged human, anyway.

With my marriage-of-minds husband Ted.

My mother in law Whirley. (also known as Shirley Caldwell-see www.21stcenturywoman.com for details)

I am pretty damn good.

The door bells calls-and I see a man outside...I think I'll just slap on some lippy before I go.

Oh-one last thing-Nina is still interested in finding people who would like to learn Speech and Drama-whether it is elocution that is required or other similar services, Nina is LAMDA qualified.

So...if you're interested-post a comment!

Sharon

mwah

She gets all the fun

2004-07-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but I just don't think this is right.

Each day, Nina gets to go out for 2 hours, fundraising and such like, meeting men.

Men with biceps, men without.

Whether covered or not, she gets to meet them. (And occasionally avert her eyes in some cases)

I, however, sit at home-The Dowager Duchess to a tee.

Why don't I get to meet any of these men?

We all know that I am a sexy, gorgeous beast, deserving of male attention and in serious need of some hot loving.

At least whilst my darling husband, Ted has not been in contact.

Our marriage of minds is wonderful, I just wish I could get to see him more, and for us to have our usual, fascinating conversations....

Oh I pine, I weep, I mope.

But no!

I must keep bright-eyed, bushy tailed (well, technically that is beyond me, but....)

So-another one of Sharon's Beauty Secrets for all you girls out there...

To keep myself looking my best, I steal-borrow, rather, my lovely owner Annie Kaszina's (www.joyfulcoaching.com/www.nopain-gain.com) make up...her lipstick (try to find the one that looks either the most expensive, limited edition or combines both features), her mascara I am in no need of, due to my long deer-like eyelashes, and her other...bits.

This will enhance your features as well as keeping your face fresh and moist. (Ask not how. It just does)

Well, after more hard fundraising today, Nina's total raised is now a wonderful £1660.
There's just no stopping that gal.

Except on my blog and my beauty-both of which far outstrip here, I must say.

I have more fur. Longer eyelashes. And...well, no-one can turn over onto their back quite like me for a nice little tummy rub.

Mmmmmm mmmm mmmmm

Until tomorrow

Sharon

The Dowager Duchess
Shih Tzu of Secrecy
Sexpot
Mrs Ted

mwah

Nina's a Star!

2004-07-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today, Nina's fundraising went passed the halfway mark-she has now raised £1622, leaving her just £1578 to raise, out of the original £3200, in order for her to go to Venezuela and help in a local community project out there-possibly building a school.

Man is she good.

Woman, is she good.

No-Shih Tzu, is she good! (Oh that's the right description, right there!)

I, mean whilst, have my doing what a beautiful Shih Tzu should do-sunbathing, admiring myself, licking my bum...the usual.

However, I am most impressed with Nina-not only for her fantastic fundraising, but also her new decision to use her LAMDA Silver Medal Teaching qualification to run Speech and Drama classes and workshops, to help raise funds for her expedition to Venezuela.

She is very well qualified for this-not only having the official Silver Medal, but also having actually produced and directed a play, as well as being an experienced actress and having done Speech and Drama for nearly 11 years now.

Any enquiries about this can be sent to Nina via the "comments" option on this blog.

But look at this comment from Little Miss Ugly and Squinty....Olive:

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...
Sexpot! My right paw. The three of those manky harridans exude less sex appeal than a tin of Tesco's Value dog food. It's just a wonder that photo hasn't shattered your monitor. (Rumour has it that the photographer was hard pressed to do his job. Apart from a nice personal revulsion: 'Yikes! I thought this was going to be an easy job!' he broke a couple of lenses in his attempts to get all three toe-curlingly ugly brutes in the one shot. Shoot the lot of them, I'd say.)Of course, you might say that it's only a rumour. But actually I got it from my good friend Nosie... no Rosie who lives next door. A nice dog, if rather big. But she saw through Sharon. She could see that Sharon is just a little bully, whereas I am a gentle soul. (We're still in contact through the barking academy outreach organisation.)Well, I'd never, NEVER, wish to aunty-gone-eyes a shrinking Old English Sheep dog but that Sharon. She's been a bad 'un ever since she first savaged a pop sock. You know how it is, once a bitch like that gets a taste for terrorising the meek defenceless, there's no stopping her? Mind you, with a face like hers, she could have done it with just a look. She didn't have to bare her teeth, at all. I've heard that those three witches can go out walking in the country whenever they like. They don't have to worry about snakes and other nasties. (A snake-pit holds no terror for them. They live in one, after all. Yes, gentle reader, I spent the first 2 years of my life in an Essex snake-pit.) Just one look from any of the ghastly trio and any poor snake or fox or snail will simply be turned to stone. Just you read your newspaper carefully and you'll surely hear about the exploits of those three uglies.How I survived I'll never know. But I did. With my good looks intact. Somehow. And of course that Sharon never forgave me for it. Nasty, nasty bitch. Now she's painting her claws. Well, it won't make her any more attractive. Dogs are meant to be the way nature intended. The only thing I recommend for a dog, is a nice scent. Fox poo is one of my favourites. It turns heads wherever you go. Trust me. But did they ever listen to me? No. Just let them wait. One day I'll be a Playdog centrefold and then they'll know what sexy is.Off to practise my poses. Stay cool.And don't believe a single thing that lying bitch comes out with. I tell it like it is. She lies.

Ugly thing.

She'll gets what's come to her.

A bitch slap.

Huh.

Until tomorrow

Sexpot Sharon

mwah

2004-07-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

Here's the "sexpot" photo

The Sexpot Speaks

2004-07-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

Well, as you know, I was featured in New magazine, not long ago.

Rubbing shoulders with Posh and Becks.

Jordan.

And the likes.

I even showed the photo (whichy you can see) to my grandmother.

Who thinks I look like a "sexpot".

Well, we know I am a sexy beasty.

Not like that Olive.

I've heard rumblings that she is going to Blog soon.

Little bitch.

Tuh.

We know whose the sexy one, with long-well, short, lustrous fur.

I scared off a English Sheepdog today. And we know why that is. It's the magnificent power I exude, a complete supremacy mixed with my sultry, sexy good looks.

I'm going to be painting my nails, I think.

Pink. Kindof girly and pretty.

Like me.

(Looking in the mirror...mwah. Hey sexy. Phwoar)

Mmmm mmm mmm.

Until tomorrow

Sharon

Bring it On

2004-07-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

I was watching Bring it On a while ago, and it got me thinking.

You know that beginning cheer?..

"I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot..."

Describes me completely.

I should really be out there

Shaking my pom poms.

Little skirt

No top-so I could show off my tummy.

And my sexy body.

(Oh, now I sound like the Scottish man in Austin Powers)

Speaking of which, I could look quite good in a tight little ....outfit. With a gun, perhaps?

No. We Shih Tzus are anti-violence.

And poor Nina is anti-maths.

She was checking her fundraising total calculations and realised that her maths isn't quite what it should be, thus leaving her total at £1422 or £1430 (see previous posts for info....I can't explain again.)

But, until tomorrow-when I might actually not be able to write, due to my severe desire to have a day grooming: Legally a Shih Tzu (like Legally Blonde- the girl needed to be manicured, pedicured...whatever-icured, so: I am spending a day grooming and thus could be Legally a Shih Tzu!)

Sharon

Look who's back

2004-07-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is.

I really don't.

What makes me so damned attractive?

Ok, I have magnificent, huge brown eyes.

Soft paws.

Lovely, thick fur.

Fan of a tail.

Well, maybe I can see why everyone loves me so much.

Especially my hubby Ted.

A marriage made in heaven, for sure.

The thought of him keeps me going through the dark nights...and days...because there isn't enough light for me to see myself in the mirror-not that I'm vain, naturally.

And just look what he wrote...

Sharon's beloved said...
Hey Shazza me precious bewtyHow is ya? Yer devoted Ted 'ere. I understand yer owner has bin in one of her `skittleskattle days'.........mmmm........I just want ya to know that I simperthighs.........Ocashunally my Whirley has one of them days....and thes no doing any good wiv her....I look at her all longing like......and she duzzent seem to see me......Goes ranting off and muttering......sumtimes when fings is really bad doors get banged and stuff gets thrown......No, no, no dearest Shazza it's never me.........Oh no.......the worst that ever befalls me is to fall down the side of the bed.........it's the indignity of it.....I can't stand....me bum up in the air. Not a good advert fer a Bear in Luv wiv the gorgeous Shazza.........I miss U darlink and cherish yer pitcha.........and just long fer the time when we can really gaze into each others I's......like wot we is intended to.In the meantime............I have to give the keyboard back to Whirleymy luv for ever Tedxxxxxx

Ooh yeah you know I'm fine....mwah gorgeous.

Before I talk about myself anymore, I'll just say that Nina has now raised £1532 (possibly £1540...for more info. see http://nina_kaszina.blogspot.com )

So only £1668 to go

Until tomorrow

Sharon

The Dog whose got things going on!

And more

2004-07-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

It was more fundraising for Nina today, bringing her total raised up to £1470...only £1730 to raise.

Come on, you gotta be proud!

It was indeed another hard day of fundraising-2 hours in total...but that's NEARLY a whole day...at least, it could be.

In my world.

Still, to me time is of little importance.

I am naturally such a brilliant little dog-sorry, 4 legged human, that in my guru status time is, obviously, not of the essence.

Still.

Time for another beauty tip...

In summer, don't drink water.

Have cold tea with milk instead.

Sounds disgusting. Looks disgusting. Tastes disgusting.

BUT, if you lap it up, slowly, like I do, you will find it has many benefits. Your fur/hair will grow thick and lustrous, your nose moisten delicately, and you general appearance become that of a truly well turned out Shih Tzu / lesser being (a.k.a human)

So, until tomorrow, from this gorgeous gal to you...

Sharon

Miss as Featured in New magazine

Bootylicious

2004-07-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

"This doggy's too bootylicious for you babe..."

Ooh yeah, me and Beyonce have SO much in common.

Mmmhmm.

Except my big sis' has just raise £1416.50, so only £1783.50 left to raise.

And she has just become a qualified LAMDA Speech and Drama teacher. How good is she?!

Anyway, now for one of my famous beauty tips...

Lick your bum.

Constantly.

It'll keep your lips moist and your bum clean, leaving you free to waggle it at attractive men.

Mmmmmm....men....

Oooh I'm thinking now...men glorious men....

Until tomorrow

Sharon

Not good enough

2004-07-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

Listen, things are not good enough.

Olive is the only one who has commented in a while, and as we don't like her, that doesn't count. (She's our ex-dog, you see)

But, whilst Nina has been busily fundraising/reading/pampering to my every need, I have been thinking.

And here is todays beauty tip...

Sleep until noon. At least. It will keep your eyes fresh, and your owner annoyed, giving you the chance to look condescendingly at them.

Well, I think that's it for now.

More to come.

Soon.

But remember: I want some comments...and donations...and a big strong man to stroke my tummy.....and look lovingly in my eyes.....ahem...

Sharon

As featured in New magazine

Jealous bitch!

2004-07-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

You've seen the photo of me, by now, I hope, with my mum and my big sis' Nina, who I'm helping to fundraise for, to send her to Venezuela to help in a local community out there.

Well, look who's jealous! Olive! (For those of you who don't know, she was our dog, but became so insufferably horrible we have her to our gardeners ex-wife, who spends all her time doting on Olive.)

Well well well, Missy Shih Tzu, lets see what you had to say for yourself...

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...

Well, who does she think she is? That's what I want to know. One tiny little picture in 'New' magazine and she's insuperable... no, I mean, insu-f-f-e-r-able. At least, I think I do. But the fact is, I have it on good authority that she's now talking about her good buddies, Victoria (Beckham) and Britney (Spears) and Jordan. Simply because she's in the same magazine as they are. Not that SHE had a special feature to herself. Rumour has it that she's even going around boasting that she has more nipples than Jordan. Dirty, dirty little bitch.Also, I heard from the photographer (actually a long term flan of mine) that he only bothered to put her ugly little snout in the photo at all, because those two big girls' blouses insisted on it. He wasn't taken with her AT ALL. Most of the time she spent licking her .... I hardly like to say it, but I cannot lie, most of the time she spent licking her bottom!!! There! It's out now. No class.And then she has the gall to think she can start publicising her beauty secrets. Does she call this Yoga? Or he cleansing routine? Or does she dress it up as something worse. 'If you want to have clear eyes and a lovely, wet black nose all the time, then do what I do and lick your bum.' Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! Filthy little critter.I'm so angry, I think I'll go off and kick a cat.(Can someone just find me a cat who's smaller than I am. Please.)

Nasty, vile little dog.

I'll show her.

The paw will be on the other leg, one day.

You can see how amazingly gorgeous I am. Just ignore her.

Huh.

Sharon

As Featured in New magazine

2004-07-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

Here's the picture of me with my big sister Nina (in the white top) and my mum Annie. Come on, how gorgeous do I look?? (VERY)

Picture coming!!

2004-07-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am.

Miss Featured in New magazine.

Today, I've been helping Nina as she and her mum wrote the e-book Fundraising for Beginners, which will be available to you all soon.

And, I'll also be publishing my own e-book, more details to come soon.

And right now I'm waiting for a download to be complete, that will allow me to put my picture on here. Because I am a sexy beast. Just look at what my husband has to say...

Fancy.......me Bird's a star.....me birds a star..........she's famous, coooooor......aint that rich.........

Hiya beloeved Shazza me doll........coo......aint you bootiful.

Oh my beloved.......I long for the day when we can at last be together...........1 day we will drive down to C ya ....then I can truly be with me doll can't I ........but all I fink of is cuddling UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!

luv, yer adoring and ever faithful

Ted.........swiiiiiiiiisht xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

so, you see what my marriage-of-minds husband Ted thinks of me.

And he's right.

I am like a parking ticket.

I've got FINE written all over me.

Ooooh yeah

Until tomorrow

Sharon

As featured in New Magazine

2004-07-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

Well, do I have news for you?

This week, I am being featured in New Magazine.

Just go to the article about chastity, find the picture of Annie and Nina Kaszina, and there I am, in the background.

This being the case, I have decided to start my own beauty tips, to be included in each days post.

Todays ....

In order to keep your gums and teeth clean and beautiful, always gnaw delicately (but destructively) on new, designer shoes.

I thought pink was an appropriate colour for the beauty tips-so they will always be pink from now on!

But, on to news of Nina's fundraising-another 2 hours of Nina going door to door has left her with £1280 raised, leaving £1920 left to raise.
Your help in this would be gratefully appreciated!

And, of course, there's Nina's e-book "Fundraising for Beginners" that will soon be available to you all-you will soon be able to buy it through this blog, and through hers: http://nina_kaszina.blogspot.com

So, until tomorrow

The Sexy Sharon

Phwoar

Sacrificing Nina's Hair

2004-07-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

Nina was out again, knocking on doors, sacrificing her hair in the rain, in order to raise money.

Boy is she dedicated.

But not as dedicated as me.

I sacrificed the WHOLE DAY sitting on mum Annie's (www.joyfulcoaching.com) bed, giving the appearance of sleeping but in fact thinking hard about fundraising for Nina.

Sadly, neither Nina or mum recognised this, and kept taking me off the bed and putting me in the garden, to "go toilet" as Nina demeaningly put it.

Humph.

I am a Shih Tzu of Secrecy.

I am a gorgeous, intelligent, beautiful, sexy Shih Tzu, soul-twin of Anastacia and fan of Shania Twain.

It was beneath my dignity, so I gave them both A LOOK.

Oh yeah.

They were scared.

I mean-they might not have acted scared.

They may have just looked at me with an "I am not impressed" kinda look in their eyes.

But I know awe.

And fear.

They were quaking in their paws...boots...whatever-they were quaking whilst simultaneously considering putting me on a pedestal.

And so it shall remain

Until tom-no, Nina, I will not go to the garden -STOP DRAGGING ME OFF THE COMPUTER...

Sharon

Huh

The Trials and Tribulations of Owning a Human

2004-07-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Nina was most annoying yesterday.

Firstly, she went out fundraising for 4 HOURS, knocking on doors and asking for sponsorship.

Then, when she came back, feet hurting, she was selfish enough not to pander to my every need.

Little dogs, who are Gurus, such as myself-in fact, just myself...I am one of a kind-well, we-I-should be treated with the due respect.

So when I scratch on doors/eat shoes/annoy Nina generally, I should be treated with admiration and wonder.

NOT SHOUTED AT. (As happened yesterday)

Gurus such as myself should never be shouted at, or spoken to harshly.

Huh.

Still, yesterdays annoyance has worn off, with Nina going out and fundraising even more, to bring her total up to £1180

Oh yeah, she is good!!!

I have to say I'm proud of the little human.

She can be annoying

Forever wanting me to play with her.

Bringing me her toys and wanting me to throw them for her (yes I am talking about Nina here)...but she is dedicated.

Only £2020 left to raise

Lets try and lower that, ok?

Please donate!!

I might even flash you a grin. And a glimpse of tummy.

Phwoar.

The Guru

mwah

No comment

2004-07-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

For now I have merely this to say...

Nina has annoyed me

For this she must suffer

Therefore...

There will be no long post today

Nina will suffer

She will be given a STERN LOOK

Until tomorrow

Sharon

The (DISPLEASED) Dowager Duchess

Anastacia and I are twins

2004-07-11T03:47:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to my attention that Anastacia and I are, actually, soul-twins.

Think about it-there's her song "Left Outside Alone"...and then "Sexy Single" which-with minor adjustements-is in fact "Sexy Shih Tsu"

What more proof do you need??

I am, after all, a fantastic and gorgeous little lady doglet, sexy and beautiful, with many abilities-fundraising and otherwise, that shows me I am inextricably linked with Anastacia.

I am also going to be helping Nina write her first e-book, "Fundraising for Beginners". That is going to be started this week, and more information about it will be coming shortly.

So, from this Sexy Shih Tsu, to you, over and out...

Until tomorrow

Sexy Sharon

That Don't Impress me Much!..

2004-07-09T01:45:00.000-07:00

You know how yesterday I said that Anastacia and I were similar?

Well, thinking about it, Shania Twain and I also have lots in common...

Both gorgeous,sexy ladies (except I am a lady dog),with great hair/fur(mine is still my natural colour, unlike some I could mention) and a lovely, slender figure with a little pink tummy-neither toned nor flabby,simply perfect.

Ooh I just caught sight of myself in the mirror.

Damn, look at that.

SEXY!!!!

Miaow!

I am hot.

Steamy.

Wo-ho-ho-ho!

Better stop now, I am loving my reflection so much I may well purposefully lose myself in one of those crazy, funfair "Hall of Mirror's"

I mean,I look at myself and just think "Wow"...

When I see other people I just think "You don't impress me much, so you got the fur but do you have the looks, now don't get me wrong, yeah, you're a bit of all right, but you
can't keep me warm in the middle of the night...you don't impress me much!"

I am so high in the Palace of Perfection, very little can impress me. Except me.

And my fundraising skills.

Help me fundraise for Nina, and get her even more.

And then...oh what was I going to say?

My fine fine reflection keeps making me forget what I'm saying...

PHWOAR

Sharon

PS I don't mean to appear egocentric or vain. I just am one red hot mamma, and should have the proper respect accorded to one such.

U-G-L-Y, she ugly!

2004-07-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...
What specifically does that furry little bitch have in common with Anastacia?

A singing voice? I don't think so.

Long blond hair? Hardly.

Glasses? Well, I'm not saying she doesn't need them, but she doesn't have them. Ha! She was agitating for a pair of Gucci sunglasses even when I lived with her. And that idiot mother of hers was saying: 'Well, we've got to protect her beautiful, big, brown eyes, haven't we?'

I had to bite her big toe to shake her out of it. Mesmerised by that moronic mut she was.

As ever, I was neglected. There I was with a sunburnt nostril, prickly feet, water detention, squinting manfully out of my good eye as I glared at Sharon. But did anybody care? No. They did not.

Liz did. Liz took me in and let me train her into becoming the Human I'd Always Wanted To Have. And I could have been happily. Ex-statically happily.

But no. The bitch stepped in, didn't she. Kept making eyes at George and humbly licking up the dregs of his Tetleys tea (despite professing only to like Rose Pouchong)until he agreed to have her to stay when her Human was away.

So then she starts invading my space. Flaunting herself in Dagenham. Turning up in pubs, clubs, family haunts and..... WAIT FOR IT....

SHARING GEORGE'S BED

SHE'S EVEN BEEN CATERNISING WITH HIS PUSSYCATS.

I mean to say, what kind of dog worth it's weight in Caesar will lie down with a cat? That Sharon will. She'd lie down with anyone or anything. But that's ok. We're not fooled, are we? We know what she is. She's a clammy tart.

It's not enough that she had a long flirtation with an Irish Wolfhound, before her alleged 'marriage of minds' to Ted.

Frankly, she's a disgrace to the breed. In fact, as I responsabubble member of the Shih Tsu commonality, I think I'd better go denounce her to the Canal Club. Yah, boo, sucks, Sharon. I'm going to get you good.

Dear readers, next time I write I should have great news to rapport.

With love to all my loyal flans everywhere

Your very own

Dr Olive Kornfeld

9:38 AM

I think this speaks volumes. About Olive, rather than me.

Jealous, or what?

Each time I look in the mirror I think "Phwoar! Who wouldn't wanna get with this?!"

No one, obviously.

Olive, you may think yourself sexy-but you are deluding yourself.

The only vote you win is the sympathy vote. For your squint. And even then...your lack of respect for everyone else doesn't help.

Face it. There's a new dog on the block, and always will be.

Sexy, everything about me's so sexy....

Ya boo sucks to you Olive

Sharon

Left outside alone...

2004-07-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

Anastacia and I have lots in common.

By which I mean...her recent song "Left Outside Alone"-we both know how that feels. Nina is off in Worthing (near Brighton) doing her work experience, and I am left in Essex with mum Annie.

Left Outside Alone, or what?

Ok, I have the full use of Nina's bed.

And pillows.

And room.

And have the full attention of my mum...

But that's all technicalities.

The truth of the matter is, by rights, I have some strong connections with showbiz-what about me and Liberty X and "Sexy..."

Oh yeah

But, listen now. Whilst Nina is away I want to do some fundraising on her behalf. Please send in a donation via the PayPal scheme at the top of this page-I would really appreciate it, and so would she. Remember that whilst in Venezuela, Nina will be probably rebuilding an Andean Mountain village school, or working on some construction work that will be vital to the community.

She's 1/5th of the way there...but we need your help.

I might even sing to convince you....

Oh alright then, here you go...

Sexy, everything about me's so sexy...umm...tum tum tee tee tum tu-um...your really hitting my nose..oh-oh..and you know you such a Shih-i-Tzu, please take that wrong cos I lo-ove youuuuuu

Well, it's not finished yet

But you have the idea about it now. So wait, in wonder....

Until tomorrow

Sharon

Sexy....

It's raining Men!!!

2004-07-04T03:18:00.000-07:00

For the last few days, I have been living with a lovely Man called George. This was because sis' and Mum Annie were away (work experience, relaxing-tuh), but wow. It's so nice being around men.

Not that I'm a tart.

Or a flirt.

Or enjoy company of men.

Well....I do. But that's allowed. Not illegal, is it?! And IF whenever I see a man I roll over so my tummy is in the air....not a crime. I simply appreciate being stroked. And they love me. I am so gorgeously beautiful after all. And sexy. Big brown (squintless) eyes. Unlike Olive. Oh yeah. During my time with the lovely George, and his son, Olive was a real .... bitch to me. I am a lady-dog. Olive is a bitch. She is so jealous of me. Runty little dog that she is.

Nina has raised £800, leaving £2400 to raise. And half of that £800 was raised due to me. People saw me on their doorsteps and-well. Who couldnt see me and not give money? N one. I am gorgy gorgy gorgeous, as Nina says.

And seeing as I am...why not donate? I might even send you (maybe) a picture of me. Looking my sexy little self. Groomed. Clipped.Oh I'd better stop. I can sense your heart beating faster. And faster.

But remember-I am Mrs Sharon Ted

Taken

Full stop.

Until tomorrow

Sharon

Oh yeah,we good

2004-06-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

Today, Nina was in The Express. Oh yeah. Ain't my mistress (well, big sis') fantastic?

A legend!

Nearly. Cos there can only be one legend in a house and that's me. Equally, my mum Annie Kaszina (www.joyfulcoaching.com / www.nopain-gain.com) will be on TV soon, her e-book (available through her coaching website) will soon be available to you all, and Nina has been in the paper 2 times this week! (Romford Recorder AND The Express)

So really, its a pretty great little family

Ah the joy

And me at the centre of it

Them revolving around me

Fundraiser extraordinaire

Oh yeah

I have to go now

I look forward to more donations (come on this is getting serious...I'm starting to look like the idle one in the family)

So until tomorrow

Sharon

PS Consider this wisdom..a Shih Tzu is to lovely as you are to donating

Think

Just think, ponder, and marvel....

My husband speaks!

2004-06-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hi Sharon

I kant quite figure out how to ansa on yer blog......beats me.......even my Curly kant help. So she sed I shud just rite to U like wot U is.

My Curly seems to be talking a lot about fings being `is' or they `just is' Ted!!

Anyhow Sharon U know how U and me have this 'ere marriage of minds............Well seems to me that yer mind isn't on me too much these days. Wots all this about throws.........is they like bedspreads or summat. I like bedspreads yer can get all comfy with em.

Bet U and I cud get cumfy on a bedspread rite away.

Wots all this I hear about U having bin shawn, trimmed or wotever?

When is a blog not a blog......Me Ted finds it jolly hard to understand. Wot I want to know is how much dosh have U raised for this Nina eh? Come on now Professor.........get yer paw out and get beggin.........

Awh shucks.........my Curly's coming back now.........so I'd best scarper..........she's muttering somefink about needing sum connections in Essex........not bin paying me much attention I can tell ya......She's got sumfink on her mind, I can tell, she's awesomely busy............but I know she'll cum back to me and give me a big hug in a bit.........in the meantime Sharon lets just paws fer fawt.....and gaze longingly as one anuver. I is looking at yer pitcher on the wall as I type.

Must go she's back

luv, yer adoring Ted.

Look at the above!

A comment from my marriage of minds husband, Ted. Oh, the joy of knowing that I am not abandoned, or alone. Oh, the sheer unadulterated joy!

Gentle reader, my heart pounds with excitement.

All is well with the world. Ted and I love each other.

Until tomorrow

Mrs Sharon Ted

Sexy, everything about me's so sexy....

2004-06-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

I was admiring myself in the mirror today, and I have to admit (although I do say it myself)...I am damned fine. My long, lean legs, my cute little button nose, my beardy bit (with just a hint of eau de Chappie), my big brown eyes...I am a dish. A desert dish. Chocolate desert. Mmmm...with caramel and....sorry. Where was I? Oh yeah, admiring myself, (naturally).

But I have to say, I thought "Gawd, Sharon. [Sharon, I know. The irony, the irony]. You have helped Nina LOADS. Raising £700 for her (only £2500 to go folks-but we need YOUR help), supporting her, you are just SO good.

I started a love affair young, I admit-but loving yourself-or, rather, myself, is the best love affair you can ever have. Ask anyone.

Hmmph. Have heard rumours of Olive posting a comment.

Well, we knows whats we thinks about that, don't we?!

Good.

So until tomorrow

Sharon

Sexy....

Porn-sorry, PRAWN restaurants (you know who you are!)

2004-06-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

Let's not even go down that road. The road signposted "Sharon didn't blog yesterday". I know. I know. And I'm not going to do anything so terrible as to take responsibility for it. You know why?

Why, gentle reader? Because Nina forgot to put me on the computer. Oh yes, no memory whatsoever. It's like that saying "Shih Tzus never forget...humans do". Of course, due to political correctness, and the general movement towards Independant Elephants, the phrase got changed-but I know what it was. Once.

But, I thought that I would give you a little story, that does (loosely) relate to Nina's fundraising.

Nina was on the train today, with a friend (who shall remain nameless-but she knows who she is) and Nina was talking about prawn restaurants. I repeat PRAWN restaurants. This friend Person X said "you went to a PORN restaurant??!!".

Ok, yes it was funny. Very funny. BUT there is a lesson to be learnt from it. (No not that one you dirty beast, you!) People often aren't quite concentrating or listening, especially when it comes to Nina banging on doors, asking for sponsorship. They think they know what they'll hear...so can't be bothered to listen. Luckily for Nina, the words "Sponsored Throw" generally bring them back down to earth! But think about this next time people knock on your door-especially if it's Nina-it's quite a scary thing to do, and listen to them. After all-you never know what you may hear!

Words of Wisdom, as ever, from Sharon.

The Shazmeister.

Oh yeah.

Until tomorrow,

Sharon

The Indignity of It!

2004-06-20T05:11:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up at my usual time of about 12:30, and Nina came in, greeted me, bowed down to me, offered the Temple of Sharon the usual sacrifice of just-killed-shoe (you have never known the pleasure of attacking brand new shoes-particularly expensive ones-if you haven't tried it!) etc etc etc as is my due.

But then... THEN! Then she lifted me up, carried me down the stairs, away from my big basket (which my mum, Annie, likes to think of as "her" bed-humph!) and into the garden so I could "go wee" as she put it. How dare she speak to me, Sharon, daughter of...what was her name-at any rate, lone member of the noble House of Shih Tzu?! It is not dignified. Told by a mere human....

Well, naturally, I refused, and being slightly bloody-minded (taking after big sis' Nina there) I ran into the rain, got drenched and then proceeded to shake over everyone.

Ha. That showed them.

Still, I am well brought up really, so have decided to help Nina in collecting the money owed to her for this Sponsored Throw, and next week will be assisting her in her new sponsorship collection for her October Sponsored Throw-be there or be Square, as I like to say!

So until tomorrow,

Sharon

The Dog with Dignity

All Beautiful

2004-06-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

Could I be, could I be, the most beautiful girl in the world....

Oh yeah, Cindi Lauper had the right idea!!!

Just a quick post because it's so late....helping Nina collect her fundraising money tomorrow

So until then

Sharon

Could I be....

Don't even go there!

2004-06-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...
Well, ain't it a good thing that I've got all the goss on Little Miss Perfect?

She makes out that all she thinks about is 'Her Big Sister', but it couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is: THAT SHARON'S A HARELET. No, I don't think that's quite right, let me just consult the dictionary. Right, I've got it: THAT SHARON'S A HARLOT!
A HARLOT! A HARLOT!

Where do I start? Well, first of all you should know that Little Miss Meek and Mild has entered into a 'marriage of minds' with a North Country Teddy Bear, usually known as Ted. (That's only because he's too far away for her to get her dirty little paws on him.)

Now Ted, by all accounts, is a pretty monoga-mouse kind of guy. Since committing to Sharon, all he does is sit around the house writing stories and chatting with his good mate Ben. (Life in Lancashire isn't quite as vibrant as it is where I live in funky East London.)

Whereas Sharon... Well, you must have picked it up from her blog? She's fantasising about that Russell bloke. Dreaming about how fit he is, and his lovely big muscles and how he could sweep her up with his rippling biceps and hold her smelly, hairy little body against him, while he gazes adoringly into her big brown eyes... Too big, if you ask me. And both just the same.

Now my new human has told me that there is nothing quite so endearing as a slight squint. And of course I have one. It adds character and charm, you know. A squint is cool.

But squinting apart, that little Harlot is putting herself about. Not just all over Essex - which I suppose you might expect, but even as far afield as Lancashire. SHE'S A DISGRACE TO THE BREED.

In fact, she encouraged Nina to do the sponsored throw. Not because she really cares about Nina raising the money, but because she thought that she'd get a chance to be caressed by all those fit, muscular young men. Happily a lot of the Young Men at that Michelle's judo club are under the age of 10.

Not her thing at all. The Little Tart doesn't love children, selflessly, as I do. No, she just likes lying on her back for the men to tickle her tummy. There ought to be a law against it.

It's down to the few good Shih Tsu's like me to preserve the good name of the breed.

Oh well, my human's been out to long. Better go and arrange an appropriate surprise for her when she returns. The only problem is where to target... She might be expecting me to do it in the kitchen, so maybe if I have a 'little accident' just inside the front door, it will make the point. After all, she can't expect me to be a saint.

Have you SEEN that VILE comment,posted on my blog yesterday?! And who does that Olive think she is, anyway? Yes, she may be out ex-dog and all that, but really! I am, in all honesty, perfect. I naturally have 2 mathching eyes. It is only an idiot like her with one in a permanent squint-which She blames on her inability to avoid bashing into tables. I know the truth. In fact-it's because she's stupid. No, I'm not saying that nastily, as I have said many times-I am being honest.

Nina's next Sponsored Throw is in October-but that is NO REASON not to get ahead of yourself and start donating early. RIGHT?!!!

Glad we've got that settled. I'd better go and comfort Nina-she's a bit upset because she wrote about "Minstrels" (as in the Galaxy choccie) as opposed to "minions" in her Judaism exam today. An EASY MISTAKE. For anyone. Easy. Other than me-of course.

But until tomorrow....

Sharon
mwah

Before I go I'd just like to thank Michelle, Russell and everyone at the Judo Club, once more-everyone has been so great to Nina-Michelle's family has been so fantastic with her (ridiculous) inability to learn more than 1 throw, without the other 2 going out of her head), Russell was so lovely letting Nina beat him up (huh, fat chance, eh Russell?!)-and all of you fundraising for her-really, bless you. For you lot, I make an exception...call me Shazza. (and if I really like you: Shazza-Rooney)

Well done Nina!

2004-06-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

Nina is an Official Thrower.

Hmm...that doesn't sound quite right-but still!

She threw judo champion Russel (big, mean black belt-ok, ok, I'll admit-a lovely young guy, black belt, who I basically moved near and he threw himself-but I can have my private fantasy that really I am a force to be reckoned with rather than an extremely girly girl!) so may times!!

24 O soto gari throws (in 1 minute)
27 O Goshi throws
22 Tai Otoshi throws

Not bad, for a weakling! I know that I could have thrown him in my sleep-or at least, whilst delicately chomping on Ceasar-my Saturday Night treat, and Posh Dog's food!

Oh I am proud

Party time methinks!!

Loads and loadsa thanks to Michelle and her family (running the club, supporting Nina AND raising over £100!!! in sponsorship), and of course Russel-for letting Nina "throw" him

Until tomorrow

Sharon

The Judo

(just The Judo-nothing more is needed. IT COMPLETELY DESCRIBES MY PERFECTION)

Godliness is next to Shih Tzu-liness (hmmm..doesn't quite work)

2004-06-16T02:59:00.000-07:00

I am, again, very tired.

And so, I will leave you with this thought

Sharon

Is a Shih Tzu

Is a Shih Tzu

Is a Darling

Sharon

Is a Shih Tzu

Is a Darling

Oh yeah!

Oh by the way-Nina has received another generous online donation-thank you! But-I am after all a highly trained Shih Tzu of Secrecy, not giving you my services (by which I mean my intelligent daily blog) for nothing-please...donate!!!

Someone else told Nina today, she'd never get to go-or, if she did-she'd hate it-lack of (nice) food, creature comforts missing, etc.

And you know what I say?? Fiddlesticks. Nina is as intelligent as the next Shih Tzu-and she knows what she's getting herself into, and she can't wait. So, yaa boo haha! (Sorry, I very much retreated into my other persona-the dog, there)

Until tomorrow....

Sharon
Shih Tzu of Secrecy

Do you believe in life after death?

2004-06-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry, sorry sorry I didn't blog yesterday.

It wasn't my fault.

It was that Ninas.

Oh no, I'm not in a good mood with her today. Fancy making me miss out on my blogging! :(

What happened, was....

Nina was walking me. And just as a car ( a big one at that) was going round the corner, I ran into the middle of the road. It nearly squashed me-but it did't! Haha! I am clever.Except...had it not swerved...I'd be pancake shaped right now. Nina was NOT amused.At all. I was going to say what I saw on the other side of the road but...well, I am a Shih Tzu of Secrecy after all. (New readers-see previous posts!)

But there we go. Today hasn't been too eventful. Just work looking after Nina, comforting her in her time of need-it's her sponsored throw on Thursday-remember?-and she is getting pretty scared about being beaten up by 7 year olds. Still, never mind I say. i order her around enough...so why be humiliated by 7 year olds??

Until tomorrow
Sharon

PS After Ninas fundraising efforts on the weekend, she has raised a total of £509, so need raise now £2691. PLEASE HELP HER!

In the paper!

2004-06-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I truly am a Dog of the World now.

A model.

A singer.

An article in the paper.

...

What can I say?

I've been things, gone places, spoken to people you simply couldn't image. Oh yes, I'm right up there. Not that I'm high minded or anything. I just want to be truthful. It's as simple as that! Ok? I do hope so.

I have to admit, I'm tired today. It was a very tiring morning-mum and Nina went out, so I had to guard the house-patrol up and down the hall, and then make it look like I'd been sleeping all day when they came back.

Tiring.

Very tiring.

I think I'd better go....go....so tired......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Surprise Surprise!

2004-06-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

I may be a famous songwriter, known throughout the land for my intelligence, my beauty, my singing etc etc etc BUT now I have something new to add to the list. I have just had (another) piece in the Romford Recorder-but for the first time....

....

drum roll

....

It's about Nina's Venezuela Trip. Oh yes, turn to page 11 of the Romford Recorder, and there I am. Pink tongue out and all. Eye candy, as I believe they say.

And it won't be the last time. Oh no-I'm thinking of going into the modelling business. Hey Shih Tzu go Shih Tzu...I'm one Shih Tzu that sure is going some!!!

I must go, I'm afraid-things to attend to

But until tomorrow

Sharon

mwah darling

Hurrumphs

2004-06-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

1 Week to go

The Big One

The One We've all been waiting for

Oh yes

This time in a week...Nina will be being thrown. Merrily. And throwing. More merrily.

Ha ha he he

I'll throw the GCSE examiners. Well. I would. If I could. But I can't. So I won't. (If one of you are reading this though, I really do like you, as a matter of fact. Really. Especially if you're marking my work....!)

Well, please come and watch the event-exact details posted tomorrow, promise!!!!

Until then

Sharon

Judo Champion of Them All

No don't desert me!

2004-06-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

Aaargh! My lifetime buddy and soulmate, Ted, the companion of my friend and coach Shirley Caldwell, may be cheating on me!!!

Yes, Ted and I have had a marriage of minds for some time now, but Shirley, his owner, has recently become friendly with a small terrier, Peggy. And now it seems that my darling Ted could be snatched from me at any time. I weep, I tell you, I WEEP!!!

How can this happen to me? Why? With all the stress around me for this....It's just terrible. Absoloutely terrible.I'll get you back, Peggy. I will. If it's the last thing I do.

Sharon Bond never leaves un...un...well....un something or othered.

Ahem

I will leave you now

Be back tomorrow

Until then

Sharon

The Soon to be divorcee, if Ted has his way!

Hahah! Comments!

2004-06-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...
'Go and get the bone Shih Tsu'!!!! I don't think so. That Sharon is so mollycoddled by that precious human of hers that she won't gnaw on anything as tough as a quail bone. 'Yo've got to protect your precious little teeth, Sharon' her human says to her.

'Go and get the dressing gown belt, Shih Tsu' more likely. That's about Sharon's limit. She likes to play tough with a warm-feel fabric belt. Likes to pretend she's a Rottweiler, savaging the end of her Ma's M&S dressing gown. Thinks that's the business, the dopey tart.

Well, I've grown up on the mean streets of East Ham and I know what it is to be tough. My new human took me on as a working dog, a guard dog. Treat 'em mean, keep 'em clean... no, keen, that's her motto. So, what does she do? Ox tail (raw and bloody) all week and a ham bone on the week-end.

I won't even begin to tell you the bloody battles I've been in. I've been swaggering round my local streets, my ham bone in my little maw, and I've been jumped on by Staffordshire Bull Terriers, Alsatians, Irish Wolf Hounds. You name it, I've seen it off. Once or twice, I've really had to lay it on the line with those big bullies. They thought my bark was worse than my bite, but I've shown them. They've ended up with a septic nose... and worse. But I won't go into that in polite society.

It's not like a dressing gown belt. Sharon could gambol through the whole country park with her precious belt and no dog would moult a single hair. But she's soft, she is. She's had it too easy.

Why when I was a puppy, I was taken to the vet and he looked at me, prized my jaws apart, despite my ferocious growls and he told my - then- human that I had an underbite. I needed braces, he said. Well, my human just spoke to my breeder who said the vet was a stupid a*** (that's the kind of language that gets you street cred in East Ham)and wouldn't get me braces. Sharon could have had braces on her teeth if she'd wanted them, I'm sure. She could have had veneers, tooth whitening. Nothing would have been too good for HER.

But being disadvantaged hasn't stopped me. No. Actually, it's made me so much stronger/made we work a little bit harder/ blah blah/blah/ thanks for making me fighter. I'm the Cristina Aguilera of the canine world.

Next month, you know what? My human is going to get me a collar like the shepherds' dogs used to have in the South of Italy, when they had to see off wolves. A collar with nails sticking out of it. When the other dogs see me coming, they'll step aside...

When you've been underprivileged like I have, you don't waste your time listening to Capital Radio and fantasising about a pop career, no, you establish yourself as the neighbourhood Dogfather.

That Olive! She thinks she's all that! She doesn't even have any fans. Not like me.
Just look at this....

kathleenruth said...
Dear Sharon,
I agree us humans could learn so much from a wonderfully intelligent, poised and stylish Shih Tzu such as yourself.

I wonder, have you considered running an agony column here on your blog spot? It could be called 'Dear Sharon' or something like that and us inadequate humans could e-mail you for advice? It might even generate some funds for your big sister Nina's Venezualian adventure!

Yours deferentially,

KathleenRuth,

A thoroughly inadequate, hopeless AND UNWORTHY HUMAN.(but I'm getting better with much instruction and training from my Chow-Chow Millie)

Well well

The tables are turning, Olive!
You and your ham-bone. Huh.
just don't even try
Ok?

Sharon

The Dog with Fans (people that is not....yes you know what I mean. And STOP LAUGHING!)

Owning a human

2004-06-07T01:30:00.000-07:00

Humans. They may be kindof cute to look at, but owning one is very different! Honestly, you need to clean them, look after them-I even had Nina's mum in my basket last night (she seems to think that it's hers, and calls it "my double bed"-but I know it's mine really)...but yes, she and I were both in the bed-well she was in it, I was on it-and she was getting really annoyed with me....purely because I was licking my paws all night.

Is that a crime now? No. I was doing what all well-mannered dogs should do, namelly keeping myself clean.

Huh. She couldn't understand that.

AND, besides doing all of those things, I ALSO am helping nina raise the remaining £2739 that she needs...she has so far raised £461, but she needs you to help her too, so get donating!!!

I have to go and help her with exam revision now-she has biology GCSE today-but,

Until tomorrow
Sharon

Hey Shih Tzu go Shih Tzu...

2004-06-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

Another new song-you know the one that was in Moulin Rouge "Hey Sister, go sister-gotta get the flow sister" or whatever it was (I don't trouble mysef with mundane things like words.....well-I've come up with a new version...

"Hey Shih Tzu, go Shih Tzu, go and get the bone Shih Tzu....."

A sure hit, methinks. Could make music history. Would sell millions of copies. Oh yeah. Me and my songs-and my voice....another (as yet) undiscovered talent. But it will appear. Nina keeps trying to make me help her revise (GCSE Biology tomorrow, and maths on tuesday) but nope! Me and my talent should not be parted for another second. Already-so much time has been wasted. Aaaargh-so so so much time.

But not for long. I'll release my CD soon. Anyone interested-post a comment!
Look forward to hearing from you....

Sharon

The Hit Singer

Watch out Brentwood!

2004-06-05T01:48:00.000-07:00

Today, I am accompanying Nina to Brentwood, where she will be fundraising in a further effort to raise funds-so far, she has £348, but she still needs £2852. So....please donate online!

I really am thinking of running workshops for humans, in order to try and just...I don't know...improve them. They have so much they could learn off a Shih Tzu like me. I mean....my poise, my Look, my inimitable style (on New Years Eve when everyone was drinking champagne I waltzed in with a bottle of water in my mouth-I mean, how good am I?!)....I just am a remarkable human with 4 legs and fur.

But! Enough for now. I have many things to do-and much as I'd like to share them with you, they may rather burden your (small) and non-canine brains.

I'll see you tomorrow,

Sharon

The "Dog" who's got it all going on

Beating up a Black Belt

2004-06-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Nina went off to be thrown and she did not come back too happy. No siree.

Oddly, she finds it kindof embarrassing to be in a hall of 7 year olds who do judo better than her. However, I think she should look on thr bright side....yes a 7 year old did beat her up....and bring tears to her eyes.....and she is a weakling....and bad at judo....but at least Michelle and her lovely family were really nice. You see! There's the bright side!

But does she think of this? Oh no, it's all "my trousers nearly came down during one of the games" and "I was made to do press ups". Huh. WEAKLING.

I may be small and petite in body-but my mind is like Steel, (yes, with a capital "S") and is fortified with iron rods. I bet I could beat up these black belts in a minute if I wanted to....only I don't wnt to. Clear, oui??

But anyway. I have things to do. You know-freshly hoovered carpets to muck up (it keeps me in touch with my canine side) and sleep to catch. (How weird is that? As if you catch sleep!!)

Au revoir pour maintenant
(Bye for now)

Sharon

The Judo-Genius

OLIVE!

2004-06-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...
Yah boo sucks. In yer dreams, Sharon. What humans really like is canines with attitude. And I've got it in shedloads. Little Miss Meek and Mild there is just trying to be the Mother Teresa of Crufts. Yuk. Get me some grass to eat, someone. Now.

Have you seen the above? That Olive has posted 2 comments in as many days. Now that simply IS NOT on.
I have attitude. And I know how to use it. I simply use it for the greater good of others. You know, I have my own sombrero. How many Shih Tzus can say that?
Ooh that gives me an idea! I could make a calendar of me, in various costumes (including my sombrero) and sell it. It would be like what the did in that video "Best in Show" that Nina and I watched together. Ha ha ya boo sucks to you Olive. Ahem. Not that I'm being nasty. Just....well............Olive is so mean. This is my blog. You are my fans. Yet here she is trying to disrupt everything.

Olive-I will be here to support Nina throughout her endeavour-and I will most certainly NOT be going off to Hairy Nicks. No way Jose! Uh uh. I am a good, furry friend of man (well, technically woman) and I am going to help her raise the remaining £2862 that she needs to.

Be warned Olive-there will be a time when I wreak my revenge.

Nyha hahahaha. Nyha hahah.

Sharon

The Fearsome
The Amazing
The Awe-Inspiring
And the Ever-Modest

Bitch!

2004-06-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

Dr Olive Kornfeld said...
And there she goes again. Not only does the daft bitch think she can sing (she can't; at least not half as well as me) but she's forever blowing her own trumpet. Not a pretty sight, I can tell you, a leggy Shih Tsu blowing her own trumpet.
Why can't she just admit she's a dog?... well bitch.
And as for all this stuff about raising money to send Nina to Venezuela. I doubt it. That Sharon's a sly one. Give her half a chance and she'll be off down Hairy Nicks, department store to the pedigrees, looking for diamond collars, canine nail varnish and goodness knows what else. She might invest it all in Caesar.
How do I know? Well, that's exactly what I would do, if I got the chance. But I'm not likely to, am I? Because that rotten little Shih Tsu edged me out. She dispossossessed me, she did. Just when I'd been collecting all the pennies that Sharon had put by for Nina's birthday present, to blow on a trip to a society groomer in a stretch limo.
Of course that wretched Sharon always kept burbling on at me about Financial Intelligence; a concept she had picked up at second paw from Nicola Cairncross. Yes, THAT one, Nicola Cairncross of www.nicolacairncross.com.
Sharon delivers little homilies about not getting into 'bad' debt and not blowing her pocket money on designer labels and making money work for her. But I say: spend today and spend tomorrow.
And just you tell me this: if I don't spend the money on canine claw polish, who else is going to do it for me. It's not as if I have men falling at my feet all the time, like Sharon does. No, UNLIKE LITTLE MISS PERFECT, I've only ever fallen in love once. But that's another story and I'm not even sure I want to share that. It affected me too deeply.
(But on the other hand, if my public really, really, REALLY want to hear it, you might just be able to twist my paw. Especially if you throw in a designer canine lip gloss or two.)
Now I don't even get to see a groomer, you see. My new human 'does' me at home. And she doesn't 'do' canine beauty products, or spa days, or stretch limos OR ANYTHING. Is it my fault if I have caviar tastes?
I think not. You know, you can take a pedigree out of Hairy Nicks, but you can't take Hairy Nicks out of the dog.
Well, time to nip off now to claim my three quarters of my new human's bed. To sleep, perchance to dream of sybaritic luxury; a pack of humans at my beck and bark, someone to bless me whenever I wee...
BTWThere are still a few vacancies on my staff. Those interested, please apply direct to Olive The Cute. Applicants must speak 3 languages, minimum, have a stretch limo, a Black Barclay card and impeccable taste in canine accessories.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE ABOVE? That Olive thinks she's all that. I'll tell you she isn't. And no, I'm not being bitchy-merely truthful!

She is SO nasty about me! And not rightly at all! How dare she???!!!!

Why, just today (being the kind of spirit and generous in deed kindof Shih Tzu I am) I accompanied Nina as she knocked door-to-door asking for sponsorship. Would that Olive do so?

Methinks not. Huh. She wouldn't know about kind deeds if one bit her on her (scrawny) bum. Huh.

Olive-be gone. I have my fans. They will never like you. I am simply too good.

Until tomorrow....

Sharon
The Good
The Kind
The Generous
The Loving
The Gentle
The Beautiful
The Amazing
(and many more things too, OLIVE!!)

I am the Captain of the Kaszina-fore (Pinafore didn't fit...Gilbert and Sullivan?!)

2004-06-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

I am the Captain of the Kaszina-fore and a right good Captain too.....

Another of the songs that will be on my CD with luck. However, I'm not getting any comments about the CD. Is there going to be a market for it? There certainly should be! And if not, what kindof things would people like to buy? Or any possible events being though of here?...I'd love to hear from you, I really would!

Well, today Nina was very daring,, going door-to-door in homes in Hornchurch, asking for Sponsorship. And girl isn't she doing well. (ok, ok Iknow the expression is "oh boy"-but I dislike sexism of any kind, and have taken it upon myself to change the expressions of our country). So far, she's raised £300. This is good, but she has got a further £2900 to raise, so please help out. Although you can't yet donate through this blog, if you go on to Nina's blog http://nina_kaszina.blogspot.com and click on the "Donate" icon, you can give money-so please do! Her aim is to raise £200 by next week-that is, so she has a total of £500! So let's get Shih-Tzu-ing (another of my expressions, instead of "cracking"!)

More song ideas to follow,

But until tomorrow....

Sharon
The Captain

The name's Bond. Sharon Bond

2004-05-31T03:18:00.000-07:00

I have many qualifications, may professions, many fans and a very high intellect (as well as voice)

Bearing the above in mind, may I just sak why NO-ONE commented about my Grease-Lightening-song, CD, idea thingy that I wrote about yesterday. Not a sausage...mmmmm-sausages. Big, juicy,.....no, sorry.

Yes, no one wrote. I'm feeling hurt. That Olive was the only who has commented. Why? Do you not get an amusing view on the life of a Shih Tzu. Do my antics leave you cold?

I am waiting for your comment-do NOT let me down.

Anyhoo-yesterday, big Sis' Nina had a run in with her grandmother, who is refusing to give her any support as she tries to raise £3200 to go to Venezuela. I know, gentle reader, I find it shocking.
So, what was my take on this?

Well, a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do. If she isn't going to get any support that way-she'll get it from me. My lovely friend Guy Levine is going to install an icon at the top of this webpage, where you can safely make a donation to Nina. When this appears, I am going to appeal to all of my fans to donate something-anything-to her Venezuela fund, and help her achieve her dream.

Oh, I am a fearsome little dog. Can't you just see me with a bandana across my forehead, fur blowing back in the breeze, looking into the distance with a look of dtermination on my little furry face.

Or, possibly, in the next Bond film. Why on earth that Pierce Brosnan should play James Bond is beyond me.

I think it should be me-the name's Sharon. Sharon Bond. I'd like a Ceasar. In the tin, not on a plate. Oh yes, that could definitely replace the "immortal"-huh-line "shake not stirred".

Oh this could make millions. It would be on at the box office for years. Decades. I am both a sexy dog (I'm gorgeous, I have to admit), I can be dangerous, I'm intelligent.....oh yes. I'm feeling the vibes, people...

Until tomorrow
Sharon
Sharon Bond

Grease Lightening, go Grease Lightening

2004-05-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

"Go Shazmeister, you're gonna rock us tonight-Shazmeister, go Shazmeister....."

Yes, the new idiotic Song about Sharon has arrived. Am I pleased-I think not. However, I was discussing the issue with some other dogs who live near me -oh dear, that "other" shouldn't be there-makes me sound a if I too am a dog, rather than a 4-legged, hugely intelligent human with rather a lot of fur...but anyway-yes, I was discussing this issue, and it seems that they found the songs very catching. Very catching indeed.

Now, much as I dislike being known as the "Shazmeister (go Shazmeister!)", I realised that this could actually become a really big thing.

So, I'm compiling all the songs that have been made about me-well, not all of them-that would take some time--but many of them, onto 1 CD which I will then sell at a low price, alongside a picture of me with the microphone, to raise money for Nina adn her trip to Venezuela. If I'm successful with this, who knows? I may even produce a music video. The possibilities are endless.
Orders are taken through the comments page-I look forward to receiving them....

Until tomorrow
Sharon the Singer

Bath night

2004-05-29T05:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight, after our usual Saturday night routine (see "The Delights of Saturday Night" for more info.), I am going to be washed.
This always has a special ritual associated with it...

Big sis' Nina runs the bath (what a strange expression "runs the bath". it makes it sound as if they are exercising together, or doing vigorous jogging.) and as I hear her running it, I hide. Generally under the kitchen table. The problem is, as you saw in yesterdays post, my memory isn't too good, and each week I forget that I have hidden there, so it really is quite easy to find me, sadly. (Tonight, however, because I can remember I'll hide in the....what was I saying? Oh yes-I'll hide in the kitchen. She'll never catch me there. Hahah!!!)
Then, we have the part where I run around the kitchen, Nina runs around after me, eventually catches me and carries me upstairs, usually in a bad mood because she's hit her head on the table.

Now, we move on the part where I am placed in the bath-always fun. I kindof stiffen my body, make myself look smaller (I will not say how, though-a magician never reveals his tricks) and start trembling piteously. As soon as the grip softens and they start patting me, and relaxing I make my move. I squirm into the water, runs up and down the bath (it's very shallow) getting both the floor wet, the walls wet....and them wet too. Soaked! Haha!

During the shampooing I look at them. I don't do anything else. I just LOOK. A real LOOK.

That gets them so scared they rinse me off, take me out of the bath and pop me into a towel. This is the part I like, they make a general fuss of me, stroke me, etc. Then Nina starts with her "lickle bubba Shazza Wazza Booboo". Does she think I am an idiot? I am Curator of the Canine Portrait Gallery. I am a Shih Tzu of Secrecy. My ancestors were vital to the Emperors of old. But does she think about this. Oh no!

The final stage in the whole process is me being let out of thye bathroom, at which I run from there like a bat out of hell, into my mums bedroom and onto her freshly laundered sheets, which I proceed to turn a beautiful, kindof grey, stone ugh colour.

I will be selling tickets for next weeks bath night, at £5 each. You will get to study the process in detail, learning the LOOK and how to make yourself smaller. Owners, remember-this is all for your own good. We 4-legged humans are doing whats best for you. Ok?!
All proceeds will go to Nina's Venezuela fund

Until tomorrow
The (wet) Sharon

2004-05-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Last night, Nina went off to the judo club to be thrown.
To be thrown, I ask you!!! Gorgeous little Shih Tzu's like myself, who are knowledgeable know that this is simply NOT DONE.
And was I surprised when she came back, complaining about having to do pressups? No, not me (not I, as Delta Goodrem would say).
Still, she seemed to have enjoyed herself, but I've been avoiding her all day just in case she decides to practice....

Yesterday was infact a very important day for Nina-she went around a few local streets, asking for sponsorship (for more info on that go to her posting today at http://nina_kaszina.blogspot.com )

Also, she started up her bank accounts for Venezuela, and got Guy Levine to put a link on her blog for people wishing to donate money to the Venezuela fund.

The link that will be on here is coming soon, but Guy-be warned. You have shown that you are favouring Nina in our head-to-head sponsorship competition (which of us can raise the most-she or I), and I will not forget. Shih Tzu's are like elephants, we never forget, and I will strike when....wait a minute-what was I saying again?

I had so much more to say-so, so much more. What was it?
Oh yes, Nina had 2 GCSE's this morning (I offered to do them for her-I am, after all, of a far higher intellect, but I realised that I would soon be discovered-I am, after all a Supermodel Shih Tzu, and I think Nina's friends might have realised it wasn't her- her looks are none for the stunning ones which are...modest look, flick of the fur....mine)

Aargh this is so annoying-so much more to say, so little memory. Grrrrr. Grrrrr. I can't remember!

Oh yes, what I was going to say was-no, it's gone.

I think I'll just have a little tea (no, I'm not drinking, I find cold tea with milk a wondefully enjoyable summer beverage. I like Rose Pouchong, with a little drop of full fat milk. Delicious.)...where was I? Yes, I'll have some tea, go to sleep in my nice big basket that Nina (foolishly) believes to be her bed, and then...a little tummy rubbing I think

Until tomorrow,
Sharon

PS Nina currently finds it amusing to call me the "Shazmeister". It isn't. Do so at pain of death. Understand????

And for my next trick...

2004-05-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Nina is going into darkest Brentwood, to learn how to do a judo throw, and then practice on small and unsuspecting children.
I, for one, will certainly be hiding when she gets back tonight-kind nd lovely as Nina may well be, when she finds out my decision r.e. baskets (we should swap-I have her nice big basket, and she has my small, furry and slightly smelly basket) she may be a little annoyed.

But really, when you think about it, the number of brain cells I have as compared to her....its only necessary that as I have more they should have more space to gambol about. Sensible, oui?

I had an excellent idea last night....a competition between Nina and I to see which of us can raise more sponsorship money for her. If I win (which, we all know I will) she will have to be my slavey girley for the day (tuh like she isnt all ready. I make it a habit to scratch at the door whilst she's eating, just to annoy her so she has to get up!)

But, that definitely is our new "thing" - so come on, go through me and sponsor her-you know I'm going to win! (But I need your help-I'll soon be posting a link through which you can sponsor Nina by clicking on the -soon to come-link, and filling in some things. (The wonderful Guy Levine (http://www.levineit.com/tcc/) is sorting things out for me-Dowager Duchess and gorgeous little Shih Tzu as I may be, my paws are slightly cumbersome when it comes to typing difficult, technological things....yet, when writing to you, dear reader-it just flows. That is because I can feel how you need me-because, lets nose it-you don't meet many "dogs" or rather, 4 legged humans, like me! ;) )

I'm sorry for the lateness of this post-it's all that Nina's fault-hogging the computer!

Until tomorrow,
Sharon

That Olive!

2004-05-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

I may be a Dowager Duchess, unused to harsh language or being told off (let us view the issue: I am, really, more intelligent and more wonderful than most people/DOGS [ahem, Olive, ahem]), therefore people/DOGS demonstrating aggressive and unkind behaviour towards me is really an unknown thing.
However, yesterday, looking lovingly at my blog I came across a new comment. I opened it-here it is. Read and weep, gentle reader, read and weep.....

OLIVE [The ex-dog] Said:

That Sharon! Just because she's a leggy, drop-dead gorgeous Shih Tsu, with big brown eyes that you could drown in and an internationally renowned expert on Italian art, she thinks she's better than me.
Well, the truth is, I don't think she is AT ALL. After all, it wasn't so long ago that we used to share a basket and the odd cuddly toy, and Nina's affection.
I can tell you she didn't look like a Supermodel when she came in after a long wet walk. Actually, she didn't look half as good as me, truth to tell. My lovely, spikey, punky coat looked pretty cool even when wet. And being so small and scrawny and with just a hint of a squint, I looked much cuter. I know I did.
But no. Just because my toilet training was a bit naff, they got cross with me. Don't they know that some Shih Tsus live up to their name. Personally I couldn't see that there was anything wrong with what I did: every night, most days too, even when the back door was open. I was just doing what came naturally.
But Sharon let the side down. Did she ever do that? No! So it was always: 'Sharon's an angel and Olive's a little Shih Tsu!'
Well, what do you expect, I had to stand up for myself. When it got too much I'd start going for Sharon's jugular. She wasn't Little Miss Meek and Mild then, you know. She'd fight back, she would. Nasty, nasty bitch! I'm younger than her. If I wanted to attack her, she should have let me. She was meant to be my surrogate mummy and let me do whatever I liked.
But you know what they did? They re-homed me.
I now live with a human who spends 24 hours a day doing my beck and call. We even have a little nap together in the afternoon. And if she starts yapping on the phone, I only have to bark a few times and bare my teeth at her and she understands and hangs up.
But I'm not going to say I'm happy about it. I'm not. I was upstaged, I was. And now SHE's got her own blog. Does my new owner think about asking me to write a blog? No! She doesn't know that I've written papers about the art of Caravaggio. She doesn't know that I was going to take up a place at a public school (albeit minor) she just thinks I'm stupid.
So I fall down kerbs and can't get down stairs for myself. So I walk into trees. It's only physical agility I lack. Mentally I'm as sharp as the next dig, er I mean dog. I've got an IQ of 17. It's been scientifically measured: I can identify a cat at 10 paces and I can recognise a bird... well most times anyway.
Anyway, my mistress has just come up and patted me and she seems to think my head is feeling way too hot, so she's taking me off now for a little nap with a cool compress on my petite, but perfectly formed brow.
So, who knows, I might write again. Can't let that rotten Sharon have all the limelight. Rotten little Shih Tsu that she is.

I am upset by this-I cannot tell you what it does to me. That Olive.
She may write again, oh yes, come on Olive I dare you. But remember: I have my fans-I have my marriage of minds with Ted (Shirley Caldwell's little furry friend), Steve who greets me at the Acacia ( a beautiful boutique hotel in Worthing http://www.theacacia.com , run by the wondeful Nicola Cairncross : http://www.nicolacairncross.com )....oh yes I have my admirers.

And you wait Olive. You'll rue the day you posted that comment! I will help Nina raise her money, and you will stay at your little home, bumping into tables and being unable to recognise birds from Adam!

Sorry about that-one does have ones momentary lapses from Dowager Duchess into Supermodel (the bitching already has begun, as you saw)-but I, the D.D. am back. My tranquility is returning.
I feel my calm, mature self come back......ohmmmmmmmmmmm....ohmmmmmmm

Until tomorrow
Sharon

I'm in Love

2004-05-25T00:59:00.000-07:00

Overnight, a change has come over me. I feel...different.
For, yesterday....yesterday, gentle reader, I met... A Man.

He was the photographer for the Romford Recorder-the paper that the article about Nina's fundraising is going in-and after spending half an hour with him...oh what bliss.

Nina thought I was flirting with him. Well, only and idiot would have thought that I wasn't. Ok, so I had my tummy in the air 99% of the time, and was licking him, following him around devotedly etc etc etc....is that wrong? I am a very attractive dog. He should have been flattered.

So, he took the photos-I'm pleased to say there were none without me in them, and he took lots of just me frolicking in the grass, and having great fun generally. I posed, I pouted, and man did I look good!

I'm going to try and put a photo here soon-but I'm afraid to say that (and this is my only very slight downfall) I am not a technological genius...so may have to request the help of another, higher being. Perhaps. I am really very intelligent, so I should be able to. (As Zippy himself (such a wise, wise Oracle) said "I am very very clever!"
Zippy, you and me both.

Until tomorrow
Sharon the Supermodel (to be)

No Comments

2004-05-24T02:16:00.000-07:00

I am not a very happy Shih Tzu this morning. And I am always happy.Except for today.
"And why might that be?" I hear you ask.

Stern look

Why? Because, gentle reader/4 legged friend, I got NO COMMENTS after yesterdays post. Is it not a good enough idea? Is not inspirational, new, unique and original?
I await your answer-sulkily, too, I might add.

But enough. For those of you that are only my 2 legged friends-I suppose that is all that can be expected of you. And for those of you that are my 4 legged friends...look I know its hard for us to type with our big soft paws-but I manage it every day so there is NO EXCUSE for you not to.
Ok?

However, your lack of response has not put me off, I am still thinking about how to do this Dowager Duchess course. But, your lack of response has made me think of a workshop I could do along the lines of "Using a Computer for Non-Shih Tzus" or possibly "How to achieve world domination with a computer"

Whichever. I will continue to ponder the issue.

But until tomorrow

Sharon

The Dowager Duchess presents herself

2004-05-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

I realised this morning that in my previous posts I had left out my most important identity-that being the Dowager Duchess. I go into D.D. mode whenever a human is doing something I deem unacceptable, stupid or simply not funny. (Meanwhile, if it is the latter, they are roaring with laughter. Darwin, your theory of evolution was very wrong. It went apes to humans, and humans to Shih Tzu's...like myself.)

However, enough of my complaints of the common human-they know not what they do, and all of that.

Onto a better subject. Me for instance. Now please, stop rolling your eyes, as I have frequently said, I am not using hyperbole. I am, merely, showing how near a Shih Tzu is to Godliness, and being truthful.

I had a wonderful idea last night. If Nina lends me out to families with dogs that have no manners, and I teach them how to sit and fix people with the "Dear Lord you are an idiot" look, how to steal and eat new shoes that were brought home in the last 5 minutes, which owners (foolishly) thought to be safe because they were behind 3 locked doors , for example).

Personally, I think this is a great idea, but would love to hear your opinion, so please-I want to see some comments!

I'm also thinking of running courses for small dogs, current titles for them being "Bringing out your Dowager Duchess" or possibly "The Dowager Duchess inside you".
For a small fee (shall we say 50 dog biscuits and a donation to the Venezuela fund) you can attend these workshops, and lets face it-they could be wonderful. (Especially if run by me, I mean...naturally!)

I'd better get thinking

Until tomorrow,

Sharon

Dowager Duchess of Blogs

The delights of Saturday Night

2004-05-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night, in my house, is always wonderful. First, we play Cat Stevens "Another Saturday Night", which is sung to me not only by him, but my mum Annie, and big sis' Nina. (I have to admit, they sing awfully-but don't let them know I said that-I have to pretend to enjoy it-they get such childish amusement from it)
Next, my dinner is brought out, and for this once a week treat I get...Ceaser. Tonight, it's Turkey and Chicken...mmmmmmm!

However, tonight, there'll be a special part to the celebration. My big sis' just received her first cheque! Ooh yes! It's from a lifecoach called Shirley Caldwell,a lovely warm and fantastic woman, who I really love. (However, I love her special pal Ted more, we have a little correspondence going-if you're lucky I'll show you-and last Valentines Day I proposed a marriage of minds, which he readily accepted!)

So, she's just got her first sponsorship-and I'm promising a nice bone to the next person who sponsors her! Come on folks, roll up roll up-it's time. (You see, although I may be a lady who lunches, I can still say "roll up" like any fairground dog-although their lack or grooming, manners and manicures does rather upset me!)

I'm hoping that Nina will be too pleased with this cheque to sing to me tonight-it really is an awful noise. I hate it when she buys CD's-she goes around the house "singing" (if that's what you can call it) so LOUDLY! No respect for her elders, that's her problem.

She keeps trying to dress me up in her old vests etc, not understanding that I am of a higher rank than she. I am priveleged. I am older. And I do not take to being dressed up and called a "little cutie...aawwwww!". I do delight from attention, and I am indeed a little cutie (don't think me immodest-I am merely being truthful)-but I would prefer her to show more respect to someone so much older and wiser.

Still, it is up to we of the older generation to teach the young-she already knows to walk around 3 times before she goes to bed-so hopefully, soon she will learn!

Until tomorrow...
Sharon

Annie Kaszina's Assistant
Friend of the Cairncross's
Curator of the Canine Portrait Gallery
Shih Tzu of Secrecy

The Curator of the Canine Portrait Gallery speaks

2004-05-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
Many of you may not know about the other life I lead. (In fact I lead many lives, and I have decided to introduce me to the dog under the fur)

The role many know me in is the coddled pet of an Alexander Teacher, Annie Kaszina (for more info on this, go on to www.nopain-gain.com)

However, I am a dog of high intellect, and I am not satisfied with just this. Oh no, one of my other roles is the Curator of the Canine Portrait Gallery. This came about, because my mum, Annie, was translating reviews for an artist friend of hers, Moreno Bondi, from Italian into English. I decided to submit my own reviews as Curator...

Now, many regarded that as a joke-however, they were wrong. I am that Curator. As I am of extremely high intellect, I do suggest that you don't doubt me. At all. Understood? I do hope so, or you won't be playing with any squeaky toys for some time to come.

Finally, my last role. Friend to the fanstastic Nicola Cairncross and her sister Sarah Cairncross. Now these 2 wonderful ladies, have just been on my big sister's site: http://nina_kaszina.blogspot.com and have come up with a great idea about her sponsored throw. But, I'm afraid the truth is in the pudding-or is it "the bone is in the pudding". Whichever. I have decided to gain another life as Shih Tzu of Secrecy-so to see the new ideas, log on to the site. stern look.

Nina is getting a bit nervous at the moment, because she's about to phone her local reporter about the upcoming article about her sponsored throw. I can't see why she's got her fur in such a ruffle, but she has. Doesn't sbe undersatand how wonderful it is to have a reporter around? A real man, and as I am a bit of a flirt - ok, I role straight over when I see a man, but so what?-having him around the place for a bit will be nice. But Nina just doesnt understand these things. Tuh.

I'm afraid I really have got to go now. The Shih Tzu of Secrecy has many jobs yet to do-mainly for the MI5. And no I'm not boasting. I'm telling the truth. It is merely flattering truth. As it always is. You know the expression "cleanliness is next to godliness". Actually, it was originally " a Shih Tzu is next to godliness" but after complaints from other (jealous) dogs, they changed it. But you just remember, what it was....once.

Until tomorrow

Sharon

Annie Kaszina's Assistant
Friend of the Cairncross's
Curator of the Canine Portrait Gallery
Shih Tzu of Secrecy

WHAT has she just gone and done?

2004-05-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well, frankly, this isn't how it was in my day. No.

When I was a young puppy, I kept my nose (and paws) clean,stayed out of trouble, and always followed the "Canine Code of Conduct"-that being, that when growling at other, larger dogs, always keep close to your owners-they can face the Jack Russel, with it's leather jacket and ear stud-whilst you cower behind a bin, in a very ladylike manner (naturally).

But that seems to have gone entirely out of the basket now. Ooh yes! My big sis', Nina (16), is going on an expedition to Venezuela in Summer '05, trekking and helping the people out there. To do this she needs to raise £3200. One of the fundraising events she's doing is a "Sponsored Throw"

Oh yes, learning judo, then being sponsored to throw people over her shoulder-as many as possible in one minute.

Well-I am not amused by this. Throwing people over her shoulder. She moans enough when she's told to take me down the stairs. (Not that I can't manage them. I can. I am merely an ageing Lady of Leisure, and should be carried.)

If anyone is interested in going, it will take place in late June, in Brentwood. I'll give you more details when I get them-for those of you going, I'll be there too, I hope, showing my support for Nina (although I cannot say I can condone such behaviour. We ladies should be lady-like, at all times.)

I think that this is enough for now-I'll write more tomorrow, but for the moment, my mum has just left her new shoes in the hall, and they look very tasty......

Until tomorrow,

Sharon