Here's the "sexpot" photo 
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I am an 8 year old Shih Tzu, by the name (you guessed it) of Sharon. I've started this blog to record my thoughts and feelings about what my big sister Nina is doing-that is, raising £3200 so she can go to Venezuela for a month, and help a local community. The following pages show my own very unique take on things-written entirely from my very original point of view.
1 Comments:
Sexpot! My right paw. The three of those manky harridans exude less sex appeal than a tin of Tesco's Value dog food.
It's just a wonder that photo hasn't shattered your monitor. (Rumour has it that the photographer was hard pressed to do his job. Apart from a nice personal revulsion: 'Yikes! I thought this was going to be an easy job!' he broke a couple of lenses in his attempts to get all three toe-curlingly ugly brutes in the one shot. Shoot the lot of them, I'd say.)
Of course, you might say that it's only a rumour. But actually I got it from my good friend Nosie... no Rosie who lives next door. A nice dog, if rather big. But she saw through Sharon. She could see that Sharon is just a little bully, whereas I am a gentle soul. (We're still in contact through the barking academy outreach organisation.)
Well, I'd never, NEVER, wish to aunty-gone-eyes a shrinking Old English Sheep dog but that Sharon. She's been a bad 'un ever since she first savaged a pop sock. You know how it is, once a bitch like that gets a taste for terrorising the meek defenceless, there's no stopping her?
Mind you, with a face like hers, she could have done it with just a look. She didn't have to bare her teeth, at all.
I've heard that those three witches can go out walking in the country whenever they like. They don't have to worry about snakes and other nasties. (A snake-pit holds no terror for them. They live in one, after all. Yes, gentle reader, I spent the first 2 years of my life in an Essex snake-pit.) Just one look from any of the ghastly trio and any poor snake or fox or snail will simply be turned to stone. Just you read your newspaper carefully and you'll surely hear about the exploits of those three uglies.
How I survived I'll never know. But I did. With my good looks intact. Somehow. And of course that Sharon never forgave me for it.
Nasty, nasty bitch. Now she's painting her claws. Well, it won't make her any more attractive. Dogs are meant to be the way nature intended.
The only thing I recommend for a dog, is a nice scent. Fox poo is one of my favourites. It turns heads wherever you go. Trust me. But did they ever listen to me? No. Just let them wait. One day I'll be a Playdog centrefold and then they'll know what sexy is.
Off to practise my poses.
Stay cool.
And don't believe a single thing that lying bitch comes out with. I tell it like it is. She lies.
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